Paisley Dress.

I finished something. Unbelievable!

I altered BurdaStyle's Anda pattern to make a tunic last year, and I finally made a dress, as the pattern intended. (Sort of.) I gave it a v-neck, and put the elastic on the inside. This is really the simplest pattern. It's airy and perfect for the current terrible heat, too. I used a simple quilting cotton (plus binding and elastic) from my stash, so I didn't even have to buy anything. I did make the neckline just a bit too wide, but that won't keep me from wearing it.

It's nice to finally make something again. It feels like things are getting back to normal.

Now We Play Devil's Advocate.

Despite recent criticism, I do find BurdaStyle useful at times -- they just don't understand the the plus sized market. However, I recently made an Anda tunic, and I was very pleased with it...


I made only minor changes to the pattern (too few to enter the Anda contest): I shortened it to tunic length, graded the lower part, and put the casing on the inside with elastic instead of a tie. But it's very comfortable in light cotton, which is nice in the searing heat of summer. It is a bit busy, but that's my own fault -- I picked that fabric on my own, after all. It was incredibly easy to sew, and I'm thinking of making a full-length version.

So...I'm not a full-time hater. (In case you were wondering.)

Expletive deleted.

BurdaStyle posted another plus sized pattern this week: Elastic waist jeans.

Do you think they can hear me retching all the way in New York? I hope they can.

I give the f*ck up...

BurdaStyle B.S.

I have a real love/hate relationship with BurdaStyle. I like the fashion-forward sensibility over there, but I am frequently disappointed by the pattern sizing. Most BurdaStyle patterns only go to a European size 46, which is about 14 or 16 misses ready-to-wear in the U.S. (Though I will point out that that's already a generous sizing scale compared to other patterns, as many U.S. patterns only go to a 16, which would be ready-to-wear 12 or 14.) I mean, as a plus sized person I am used to that particular disappointment. That's not what I'm talking about here.

Recently BurdaStyle released their first plus sized sewing pattern. I didn't post about it here, because, honestly, I found to be a shapeless mess. I went ahead and downloaded it, since I could see some potential in the pattern -- you know, after I completely altered the neckline/placket, the length, and the sleeves. I was saved the trouble of grading up the pattern, sure -- I suppose I should have been grateful. Aren't fat people supposed to be apologetic for simply existing, and therefore ecstatic when someone throws a semi-fashionable sewing pattern at them?

Right.

So...I was disappointed with that first pattern.

Anyway, fast forward a few months, and BurdaStyle releases a new plus sized pattern. And voila, it is both versatile and fashionable. It's interesting and almost as nice as the "straight" sized patterns. It's a little bit (dare we say) exciting. At first glance.

But...it's not available as a "print at home" PDF. What the f*ck?

Great. Thanks once again, BurdaStyle, for the table scraps.

Seriously, I don't know why they bothered to post a second plus sized pattern. This new one can't be printed at home, so it's not exactly free for us fatties -- maybe you guys have stock in Fedex/Kinko's? I don't know.

This is ridiculous. For one thing, I'm sure that a given design could be split into two print-at-home PDF files if necessary. You can create a billboard in Adobe. A plus sized pattern isn't quite that big, despite tent-sized stereotypes. However, the real issue is that the cheapest quote I could find was $48.00 to print this pattern. I could buy several regular sewing patterns for that. And I'm in Houston -- not, say, a rural area where printing would simply be impossible (as evidenced by a commenter in Tennessee, who had no print shop available).

It's just insulting. If BurdaStyle doesn't want to offer plus sized patterns -- they shouldn't offer them. I've downloaded many of the standard sized patterns, and I've even paid for one. I've learned a lot grading up and altering BurdaStyle patterns (I'm a Euro 48 bust, 50 waist, and 52 hips) and I suspect that I am not the only one.

But really, how disingenuous is it to offer a useless download for women who, let's face it, represent a large portion of the population in the US (where dress size 14 RTW is average)?

It's BullShit, BurdaStyle. BullShit!

(ETA: I e-mailed BurdaStyle customer service with a far less, um, potty-mouthed version of this rant, but they never even bothered to e-mail me back with a form letter. Whatevs!)

Still in the Spirit of Things.

My time at Wardrobe Refashion is long past, and I didn't do a very good job of updating my progress on that front -- in fact, I never even introduced myself on the site. But I did do some refashioning, and I'm still doing some.

In fact, just last week I cut off the top of a skirt I purchased on Fatshionista and made it an elastic waist. I couldn't tell from the picture that the skirt was ankle length, for one thing, and it really didn't sit right on my waist. I have a pretty severe swayback, so most ready-made skirts hang strangely on me. I thought -- no big deal, I'll be done in a jiffy. Except, you know, it took forever...

It looks nice now, though. Not really nice enough to post a picture (you've seen one refashioned plaid skirt, you've seen them all), but nice enough to wear to work.

I've been working on another refashion, though, that's about to do me in.

I got a clearance top from Old Navy some time ago, and I wore it a few times before I decided that its puffed sleeves were just too unflattering to bear.

So I decided to Do Something About It.

Ugh, those kinds of declaration never end well, do they? We'll see.

I Heart Recycling T-Shirts.

I had a terrible flu or something in January, so not only was I not posting here...I was also not making anything. Or doing anything. Literally. I was very, very busy just being sick.

Anyway, after I finally started feeling better, I realized that I was low on kitschy t-shirts. (Sadly, I "outgrew" most of my old ones.) I had purchased a clearance t-shirt from Old Navy that fit really nicely -- for 99 cents, no less -- though I didn't much care for the silver foil Halloween cat and the big "Old Navy" logo below it. You really have to overlook those things when something both fits well and costs less than a dollar, you know?


But I just don't care for brand-pimping, so I planned to cover the design and the logo with some sort of applique. I threw it in my "potential" pile (a nice pile of clothes saved for refashioning in my closet) and forgot all about it.

After my long convalescence, I needed a simple project that would still yield results. A t-shirt project fit the bill.

I dug out my 99 cent wonder and an old, ill-fitting sweatshirt. I measured the original design and cut a shape out of scrap paper just large enough to cover it. Then I cut the shape from a piece of the old sweatshirt.


I pinned the fleece shape over the foil design and began to outline it in uneven black running stitches.


And here is the completed refashion, easy and seasonally appropriate!

Visual Proof.

For those of you who thought I was kidding about my fabric stash, please see below:


Yeah, that's not even all of it. Sad, isn't it?

Snaps Suck.

Well, I finally finished something, believe it or not.
It's a bib for my soon-to-arrive cousin, made from an old shirt of Lennox's, a plaid flannel remnant, and some painstakingly embroidered goldfish...that are shaped like danios. (Oops.)

Why anyone would spend that much time on something that a kid is just going to smear food all over is anyone's guess. Personally, I blame The Crazy. Also, embroidering is fun if you just make it up as you go along, as I did here.

It's hard to see, but the seaweed has little curlicues on the end.

The topstitching looks awful, and I pounded my finger with a hammer inserting the snaps, but all in all -- I think it'll be fine to catch baby drool. Also, it has a subliminal message for the kid: The lone fish in the upper left corner, the one that has broken away from the school is my own subtle code to tell the baby that he should be as nonconformist as possible, and that he should always think for himself.

Might be a little over his head for the moment, but the thought is still valid.

The "Frugality" of Home Sewing.

I finally finished this shirt over the weekend, and I'm not 100% happy with it, but I already wore it, and I'll wear it again. It's...okay. Mediocre. The print is awesome, but it looks a little weird on. It's just...eh.

Anyway, you know how people claim that it's more frugal to sew your own clothes? It's not, usually. (There are exceptions to this rule, I know. I will explain that in a minute.*)

Let's use this shirt as an example. It was made from a pretty basic pattern (Simplicity 4589). I used good old 100% cotton broadcloth, and regular all-purpose thread. I don't sew particularly slowly, but I have a difficult to fit figure, so pattern alteration does take some time. (I'm not just plus-sized, I am extremely pear-shaped. Like...my hips are something like three dress sizes bigger than my torso. Fun!)

Anyway, by my rough calculation, this shirt cost me about $170 to make.

Go ahead and clean up the beverage that you just sprayed all over your monitor. I'll wait.

Finished? Here's my estimate:
Pattern = $9
Cloth = $19
Thread = $2
Pattern alteration (time) = $34
Cutting out (time) = $37
Sewing (time) = $67
Total = $168
(Time calculated using my normal hourly rate for bookkeeping clients.)

Why did I include my time? Because my time counts. No, no, you may be saying -- it only counts when you're selling. Nope. It counts always -- and that's one of the main reasons why making stuff by hand is so darned hazardous. If you put 7 1/2 hours into a simple cotton shirt that doesn't even fit very well...you've just wasted the equivalent of a whole day's (paid) work. OUCH! You're also choosing to put that many hours and that much effort into something you can get much more easily and far cheaper on the open market.**

Home sewing is a gamble, and not just for the beginner. I mess up all the time, and I've been sewing since my early teens. I don't know, maybe I'm just sort of lousy at it...but I don't think so. I used to get paid to do this stuff -- I was a theatrical costumer for six years!

When you mess up, it feels a lot worse than shopping for a garment that doesn't fit right -- because you're also out the time you spent, and the thing you've carefully made...is not returnable.

I know that there are steps you can take to ensure that your projects don't end in flames quite so often as my own do. You can work with a "body double" or a well-fitted dressmaker's dummy -- that really helps -- or you can make patterns from ready-made clothes that already fit you well. You can also learn to draft original patterns to your exact measurements.

But it's just heartbreaking to make a mediocre shirt for $168. I could get 10 or 15 mediocre shirts at the thrift store for that amount -- including my time spent.

So, beware the "frugal" home sewing project. It may be veeeeeery costly in the end.

(*Special occasion dresses can be made much more cheaply than ready-made...but generally only when you discount your own labor. Using a pattern more than once changes its cost, too -- as well as using free materials -- but we'll get into that later, since it's more of an accounting issue than a crafting issue. **This does not even scratch the surface of sweatshop labor issues and the actual consequences of a $12 shirt from somewhere like Old Navy -- believe me, I understand that. I'm just making a different point.)

Crushed Once Again.

So...I almost finished the dress from that toile that fit so well. The dress has been abandoned in its current form, as it looked horrible.

Like, really horrible.

Also it seemed to have grown about two dress sizes larger than the toile...though I used the same pattern and general type/weight of fabric. What the...?

I don't know, man, I really don't. I've been sewing for 17 years and I still eff up like this ALL THE TIME. I follow the rules, alter patterns, measure twice and cut once, and almost everything I sew sucks ass.

I just don't get it.

Anyway, in lieu of posting a photo of my newest disaster, I am going to go curl up in a ball, wail in despair, and give some serious thought to giving up sewing altogether.

P.S.
Time wasted on this project: At least ten hours, all told. F*ck me!

This Fabric Is So Loud, It's Screaming.

But who could resist? Not me, as you can plainly see. I mean, this print is wild. The colors are a little more intense than in the photo, and the white flower in the center is around 4 inches across, to give an idea of the oversized scale of the print. (You can get your own at Cheap Threads, if you feel so inclined. It's an Alexander Henry fabric called "Abbey Road.")

I just ordered a Butterick shirt pattern on sale for this fabric. After the success of my bust and upper hip altered muslin, I'm feelin' a little cocky. (And a little psychedelic, apparently.)

We'll see how long this optimism lasts...

Success -- and I'm Not Even Injured.

I'm not sure how to react. But this awful, hastily thrown together toile...actually fits.

Yep, it's made of plain old muslin, and it was sewn with whatever thread I already had on the machine -- probably black. This wasn't meant to be a finished garment, but I have had too many sewing failures lately to take a chance with any regular fabric.

Anyway, this is the bodice from Simplicity 4116, which is out of print but is available as a free download from Print Sew. It took a heck of a lot of recycled printer paper to print it out, but since I trace and alter most patterns, I didn't really mind that it was all wonky and taped together. I did a full bust alteration* and a sway back alteration, as well as a slight alteration to the upper hip. I had no hope that it would even come close to fitting.

But it did. Like a glove -- a glove with the proper amount of ease, even. Unbelievable! It even fit through the shoulders just like it should, and I haven't had that happen since about 1998.

Now I just have to alter the skirt to match, and figure out which nice fabric I'm going to use for the finished product...

(*I finally figured out that when people say that commercial patterns are designed for a "B cup," they don't actually mean "B cup" in the same way that bra manufacturers do. They mean two to three inches larger than your ribcage. You see, most standard bras have cups that increase with band size, regardless of what they call the cup size. I wear a 40C currently, despite the fact that my bust measurement is a full six inches larger than my ribcage -- and four inches larger than my upper bust. So I had to do the equivalent of a DD alteration, even though that is not anywhere near my commercial bra size. This is such a useful thing to know about plus size sewing that I felt I should add the explanation.)

Just Me and My Shadow [Boxing].

I fully intend to make a paper tape "body double" next weekend. I really need it for draping purposes, and I bought the supplies to make it over a year ago...yet I have not done it.

There are several reasons for this.

First of all, my perennial favorite: Procrastination. I am his slave, and although he'll never get around to telling me so, he is my master. I've put off other useful projects for much longer than I've avoided this one. So, you know, that's definitely part of it.

Secondly, I'm afraid that the way I'll have to be wrapped up will cause me to have a panic attack -- particularly since it will take a long time to dry. I sometimes have confinement issues, and I'm afraid that the process will be triggering.

And last (but not least), I'm not sure how eager I am to confront an accurate papier mache representation of my body, rolls and all. Despite lurking on all the best fat acceptance blogs -- and the ever amazing Fatshionista -- I am only a short distance away from intense body hatred most of the time. Even knowing how well my home made clothing could fit with the aid of a good dress form, I'm not sure how upsetting it will be to see the shape of me -- 3-D -- without the distancing and distortion of a mirror.

I will be forced to contend with the actual shape that others see, not the shape that I perceive -- which I suspect is a vague rendering of memory and wishful thinking. I'm going to have to accept that my 51 inch hips are not merely academic theory but actual solid matter.

I'm more than a little bit afraid of that.

But I have a wedding to attend in a couple of weeks, and I need something to wear. And for me, vanity trumps fear any day of the week. Hey, I may be fat...but I love nice clothes at least as much as everyone else. And for some of us, that means sewing those nice clothes.

So...go Team Vanity! We will triumph!