Sparse Posting.

You may have noticed that I haven't been around in a while (or at least the interns Googling "BurdaStyle" may have). This is What Happened: I became gravely ill. Like dying Victorian heroine, coughing-your-lungs-up-in-an-opera ill.

For months.

Really.

And it wasn't even Swine Flu, just severe bronchitis. This started before the holidays and I have only just started to feel halfway normal again. (Let us all take a moment to praise the power of inhaled steroids.)

Anyway, I have finally started "making stuff" again and will resume posting soon -- sporadically, as always.

Expletive deleted.

BurdaStyle posted another plus sized pattern this week: Elastic waist jeans.

Do you think they can hear me retching all the way in New York? I hope they can.

I give the f*ck up...

BurdaStyle B.S.

I have a real love/hate relationship with BurdaStyle. I like the fashion-forward sensibility over there, but I am frequently disappointed by the pattern sizing. Most BurdaStyle patterns only go to a European size 46, which is about 14 or 16 misses ready-to-wear in the U.S. (Though I will point out that that's already a generous sizing scale compared to other patterns, as many U.S. patterns only go to a 16, which would be ready-to-wear 12 or 14.) I mean, as a plus sized person I am used to that particular disappointment. That's not what I'm talking about here.

Recently BurdaStyle released their first plus sized sewing pattern. I didn't post about it here, because, honestly, I found to be a shapeless mess. I went ahead and downloaded it, since I could see some potential in the pattern -- you know, after I completely altered the neckline/placket, the length, and the sleeves. I was saved the trouble of grading up the pattern, sure -- I suppose I should have been grateful. Aren't fat people supposed to be apologetic for simply existing, and therefore ecstatic when someone throws a semi-fashionable sewing pattern at them?

Right.

So...I was disappointed with that first pattern.

Anyway, fast forward a few months, and BurdaStyle releases a new plus sized pattern. And voila, it is both versatile and fashionable. It's interesting and almost as nice as the "straight" sized patterns. It's a little bit (dare we say) exciting. At first glance.

But...it's not available as a "print at home" PDF. What the f*ck?

Great. Thanks once again, BurdaStyle, for the table scraps.

Seriously, I don't know why they bothered to post a second plus sized pattern. This new one can't be printed at home, so it's not exactly free for us fatties -- maybe you guys have stock in Fedex/Kinko's? I don't know.

This is ridiculous. For one thing, I'm sure that a given design could be split into two print-at-home PDF files if necessary. You can create a billboard in Adobe. A plus sized pattern isn't quite that big, despite tent-sized stereotypes. However, the real issue is that the cheapest quote I could find was $48.00 to print this pattern. I could buy several regular sewing patterns for that. And I'm in Houston -- not, say, a rural area where printing would simply be impossible (as evidenced by a commenter in Tennessee, who had no print shop available).

It's just insulting. If BurdaStyle doesn't want to offer plus sized patterns -- they shouldn't offer them. I've downloaded many of the standard sized patterns, and I've even paid for one. I've learned a lot grading up and altering BurdaStyle patterns (I'm a Euro 48 bust, 50 waist, and 52 hips) and I suspect that I am not the only one.

But really, how disingenuous is it to offer a useless download for women who, let's face it, represent a large portion of the population in the US (where dress size 14 RTW is average)?

It's BullShit, BurdaStyle. BullShit!

(ETA: I e-mailed BurdaStyle customer service with a far less, um, potty-mouthed version of this rant, but they never even bothered to e-mail me back with a form letter. Whatevs!)

Utility Versus Time Invested.

Well, after several successes, I think it's time to report a tragic and crushing failure:
I am ripping out the sweater -- The Sweater, the beast I've been working on for almost a year.

First of all, I really don't believe it's going to fit. I still think, despite my care and my swatch making, that it will be too big in the neckline. I know it fits under the arms (I tried it on), but the neckline was almost off the shoulder. Why I didn't frog it then, I don't know. It was obvious that something was way off, since I only had to do about 2/3 of the required increases for my size. I won't wear a neckline that wide, it's as simple as that. Also, it's a pullover and I don't even own any pullovers -- not a one. I don't wear them. What the hell was I thinking?

The only thing keeping me going was the psychology of previous investment. (If you've never heard the term, look it up.)

In the end, would it be better to have spent endless hours on an ill-fitting and unworn garment? Or to admit defeat and start over with something that will actually be useful to me?

I'm choosing the second path, as awful as it may be. But in the end I will have a nice, soft, climate-suitable cropped cotton cardigan -- that fits.

But I'm still probably going to cry...

Crushed Once Again.

So...I almost finished the dress from that toile that fit so well. The dress has been abandoned in its current form, as it looked horrible.

Like, really horrible.

Also it seemed to have grown about two dress sizes larger than the toile...though I used the same pattern and general type/weight of fabric. What the...?

I don't know, man, I really don't. I've been sewing for 17 years and I still eff up like this ALL THE TIME. I follow the rules, alter patterns, measure twice and cut once, and almost everything I sew sucks ass.

I just don't get it.

Anyway, in lieu of posting a photo of my newest disaster, I am going to go curl up in a ball, wail in despair, and give some serious thought to giving up sewing altogether.

P.S.
Time wasted on this project: At least ten hours, all told. F*ck me!

Just Me and My Shadow [Boxing].

I fully intend to make a paper tape "body double" next weekend. I really need it for draping purposes, and I bought the supplies to make it over a year ago...yet I have not done it.

There are several reasons for this.

First of all, my perennial favorite: Procrastination. I am his slave, and although he'll never get around to telling me so, he is my master. I've put off other useful projects for much longer than I've avoided this one. So, you know, that's definitely part of it.

Secondly, I'm afraid that the way I'll have to be wrapped up will cause me to have a panic attack -- particularly since it will take a long time to dry. I sometimes have confinement issues, and I'm afraid that the process will be triggering.

And last (but not least), I'm not sure how eager I am to confront an accurate papier mache representation of my body, rolls and all. Despite lurking on all the best fat acceptance blogs -- and the ever amazing Fatshionista -- I am only a short distance away from intense body hatred most of the time. Even knowing how well my home made clothing could fit with the aid of a good dress form, I'm not sure how upsetting it will be to see the shape of me -- 3-D -- without the distancing and distortion of a mirror.

I will be forced to contend with the actual shape that others see, not the shape that I perceive -- which I suspect is a vague rendering of memory and wishful thinking. I'm going to have to accept that my 51 inch hips are not merely academic theory but actual solid matter.

I'm more than a little bit afraid of that.

But I have a wedding to attend in a couple of weeks, and I need something to wear. And for me, vanity trumps fear any day of the week. Hey, I may be fat...but I love nice clothes at least as much as everyone else. And for some of us, that means sewing those nice clothes.

So...go Team Vanity! We will triumph!